From A to Where You'd B
by storywriter30
Summary: For a moment he would watch the musical montage of the past three years. And then it would become too painful The sight of her - the sound of her voice - it would all hurt too much.
1. Your Words

**A two-shot. **

**Inspired by Snow Patrol's Set the Fire to the Third Bar.**

** I know it's been done before. **

**Spoilers: "Aliyah" "Truth or Consequences" "Kill Ari Part One" "Kill Ari Part Two" "Undercovers" "Shalom"**

**Obviously, set during "Truth or Consequences."**

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><p><strong> Chapter One: Your Words<strong>

Their words mostly noises

Ghost with just voices

Your words in my memory

Are like music to me

It didn't bother him. She was just another partner. A partner who could be replaced. One that he cared about but one he could replace. He would forget about the hole that her empty chair burned in his chest. He would forget about what it felt like to follow her into a firefight. He would forget why he didn't mind staying late at work. He would forget why screwed up American idioms were some of his favorite things in the world. He would forget.

At least, that's what he told himself.

He hated work now. And that was probably an understatement. Tony dreaded arriving at the Navy Yard each day. He dreaded it. Why did he have to put himself through this? It wasn't like a normal relationship. He couldn't just throw out her picture and forget about her. She was everywhere – especially the empty desk, especially as he followed McGee into a warehouse that he knew housed more than just used car parts. She was everywhere.

Being in the office was worse than being in the field. At least, in the field, he could try and consume himself with the task at hand. Or, he could pretend that she was merely waiting back at the Navy Yard. He'd see her when he got back.

If only it were so simple.

Still, he had hope. Nothing was permanent or guaranteed. He'd learned that more than once. She could walk right through that elevator door at any moment and things would shift once again. It could happen.

And then Gibbs walked into Abby's lab and uttered those two words. He broke up the little game that Tony and his head had been playing for all of those weeks.

Death was permanent. No way around that.

He couldn't do it anymore. She was gone. Ziva was dead. He swore his stomach had exited his body through his feet. He wanted to dry heave. This wasn't happening. She was practically superhuman. She wasn't allowed to die. Especially not after the way they left things.

_After that, business as usual lost all meaning_. Because business as usual included Ziva. He couldn't think. He couldn't talk. People talked to him, they talked at him, they talked _about_ him but he barely, _rarely_ responded. What was he going to say, anyway? Good morning? It wasn't so why bother lying.

Abby tried to help him. Bless her soul, she was the only one brave enough. She trapped him in her lab one day. She locked him in. She tried to hide her feelings in order to help him sift through his own. It didn't work. He only caught half of what she said. It was like once the name _Ziva_ was uttered his head went somewhere else.

He usually saw something resembling a musical montage. It was one that would revival the greats that he'd seen. Many he'd seen with her. First, he would see her walk into the bullpen on that fateful day. It was just after he'd lost his first female partner. Then, she'd slouch provocatively. The music would begin to build; they'd be seen sipping coffee under the canopy of the Embasario Hotel. Flash to a scene of them laughing as he did push-ups over her in a mission that would change the course of their partnership. And then, of course, the summer when everything really changed. He'd be holding her in the night.

He'd always watch for a while. And then it would become too painful. He wouldn't be able to look at her anymore without coming undone. He'd snap back to reality. It wasn't as painful as watching their past or was it possibly more excruciating?

Abby saw this. She saw his eyes glaze over. She saw a small but powerful storm move through them. With a sigh, she pulled him into a hug. He held onto her as she did. Who else did he have to cling to? If he closed his eyes, could she possibly become Ziva?

"Oh Tony," she said.

All Tony heard though was Ziva's voice. It was enough to break him.

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><p><strong>Stay tuned for Ziva's Chapter Two. <strong>


	2. Your Arms

**So here we go. Ziva's companion chapter two. Thanks to all who reviewed/favored/subscribed to chapter one. It makes me smile. Someone in the comments said they hoped that chapter two wasn't as depressing. . .sorry but I think that it may be even more..**

**References to "Hiatus" and "Aliyah."**

**Set just before "Truth or Consequences."**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Your Arms<strong>

I'm miles from where you are

I lay down on the cold ground

And I, I pray that something picks me up

And sets me down in your warm arms

For the first two weeks, she didn't allow herself to think of _them_, let alone _him_. Ever. When she had the urge to, she thought of other people.

She thought of Tali, she though of Ari. She tried to remember what their childhood had been like. She remembered the summers they'd spent in Haifa. It held some, if not most, of her favorite memories. She couldn't escape the image of running after Ari down the beach. He had always been just a little bit faster than she.

Maya came into her mind often – more often than she had in nearly a decade. She'd grown up next door to Ziva. She was Ziva's best friend until she was nearly sixteen. It was that classic case where parents wonder if there was such a thing as being _too_ close. Maya and Ziva would enter the house like a tornado traveling down an interstate road – disrupting and uprooting everything in their path. They would turn to whoever was in the room and fill them in on their latest adventures. Story telling was their greatest act, that is, besides the intimidation and seduction of the opposite sex. One would begin, taking the lead, and the other would jump in every so often, finishing the other's sentences. Their mothers, who had become friends through their daughters' relationship, would shake their heads. "It's like they can hear each others' thoughts," Rivka David would say. There was no secret to why the got along so well. By this time, Eli was deputy Director of Mossad. He'd stepped in front of the veil of secrecy in hopes of improving the organization's mechanics. Maya's father was the Israeli envoy to Egypt. Their lives were not the norm and they knew it.

Three weeks before Maya's sixteenth birthday, her father went missing. Four weeks later, Maya, her mother and her brother disappeared. Then, three days later, their execution was broadcasted by radical members of the Palestinian Liberation Organization.

Mossad was in Ziva's future years before Tali died.

At least Maya would be waiting for her on the other side.

After two weeks of only thinking of her family and other fallen friends, she began to have trouble keeping _them_ out of her head. Because they were her family, too and they were some of the best friends she'd ever had. Maya would've given _him_ a run for his money. She would have been competition too.

Those two thoughts are the first she allowed herself to have in regards to her partner. Her ex-partner. She doesn't get angry with herself. It's not fair to, anymore.

Three days later, she made peace with everyone on the team, except for her partner. Between Gibbs, Abby, McGee, Ducky and Palmer, Gibbs was the hardest. He left her. He picked _him_ over her. She had known he would. It was her own fault for putting herself and Gibbs in that situation. It hadn't been fair to him. She apologized, prayed to God that he felt it, somewhere, somehow.

Even after making peace with Gibbs, she still couldn't say _his_ name. He was all she thought about but she couldn't say it. It hurt too much.

One week and four days later, she made peace with Tony and said his name out loud. She admitted she loved him. She had since before Gibbs had blown up aboard that ship. She admitted she'd been wrong and he'd been right about Michael. That was evident now.

After that, there was no going back. He was all she thought about. Tony was all she _could_ think about. All she _wanted_ to think about.  
>She had wanted to die once she was captured. She'd done all she could to anger her captors. She wanted, <em>needed<em> them to kill her. But, all of sudden, she needed to live. She needed to live because if she died, if she died in this camp, she wouldn't get to see him again. There was nothing Ziva David wanted more than to see Anthony DiNozzo one last time.

So, she tried to stay alive.

She'd imagine what he would be doing at that very moment. Was he at a scene with McGee? Were they fighting in the bullpen? She'd wonder if he thought about her – if he missed her like she missed him. Was there a hole in his heart too? She'd even ventured to wonder if he loved her.

Ziva would lie down on the dusty cement floor. She would curl herself into a ball. She would try and ignore all the parts of her body that hurt – all the parts that burned. She would close her eyes, hold them tight. She'd hope for just a few moments of respite.

And then, then she would picture Tony. She would feel him as he lay down next to her. She would hear him as he soothed her, as he told _Zee-vah_ that everything was going to be okay. His arms would come around her. She'd be safe – she'd be protected.

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><p><strong>Tell me what you think. <strong>


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